I am out-of-my-mind terrified of college.

Not that I've gotten any acceptance letters besides UGA (honors program, so nothing to snicker at, thank you), but talking to Greg (my beautiful Jewish boyfriend) tonight, I started to realize how incredibly, wordlessly scared I am at the prospect of leaving home forever. It feels like an exaggeration to even describe it that way, but it's exactly the truth. So it's my responsibility to begin learning how to recreate that feeling of home in-- immediately speaking, a cramped dorm room with a stranger-- and eventually, in my own apartment-- and more eventually, with a spouse, or so I hope. I've always been one part of a bigger tree, as if family exists undeniably, unshakably, and I was simply-- comfortably-- born into this already existing community. And now, here I am, not quite Realizing It's All A Sham, but certainly shaken by the discovery that...it's just people like me who start families, that the comfort and stability won't be mine to take for granted anymore. Sobering? More than anything I realize I have to be strong, and this makes me feel very, very alone.

...Anyway, college: Greg and I decided that in some ways we felt ready to leave and Become Our Own Persons, but that in other ways (see tangent, abv.) we were-- are-- absolutely terrified. We also have no idea (collectively, that is; I'm sure we each have plenty of ideas we haven't shared yet) how our relationship stands post-graduation. I will say that every time he drops me off at home, I can't can't can't can't bear to leave him, and the thought of never ever kissing him again is an awful one.

And that is the best I have come up with so far. Will update as soon as other very resolute decisions strike me.